So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
