I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
