if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
