My hand turned me down
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
