You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
