shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
