yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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