after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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