Plan B is the new Plan A
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
