yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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