Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
