He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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