somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize