just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
