how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
