The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
