Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
