Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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