there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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