Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
