please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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