STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize