ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
