WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
