I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
