Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize