if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
