I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize