I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
