uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
