god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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