I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
