1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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