R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
