i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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