dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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