im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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