Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize