how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
