I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just found puke in my bra..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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