I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
