I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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