she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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