I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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