dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Are my feet made of real feet?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
