Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
