Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
