My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
