She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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