I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
last night I used snow as a chaser
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
