I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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