Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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