Soap is not a condiment
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
