from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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