God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
even my farts smell like vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
