I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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