I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
