god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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