Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
mondays should just be called national damage control day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize