Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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