The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
