Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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