I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
