I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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