conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
