I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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